Division of Parenting Roles

I've always thought that how people divide parental duties is interesting. I probably won't remember much what Josh and I did during Rhett's first few years of life, so I thought I'd write down here what the first six months have been like.

Josh and I have honestly been as close to 50/50 in raising Rhett as a couple could possibly be. I think that women generally take on the majority of parenting in the first year (and beyond) while men work or do other things. This is how I would have envisioned raising our children. But Rhett came a little earlier than we had planned, and with Josh in school and me being the provider, we had to structure our family dynamic a little differently. We've fallen into patterns that really work for us, and though I wish I didn't have to work and could be doing more at home, I am extraordinarily grateful for the bond that Rhett and Josh share and I know that Josh's life has been enriched by being such an integral part of Rhett's babyhood.

Bottle-feeding, of course, has the perk of making splitting parenting jobs a bit easier. Josh has always been an active participant in feeding Rhett. In fact, Josh generally takes the majority of feedings--he'll sit and feed Rhett a bottle, while I pump to replace that bottle.

Right now, Josh is on "Rhett duty" from the time we wake up to 1:00 when I get off work. A babysitter watches Rhett while Josh is in school, but Josh gets him up in the morning, feeds, changes diapers and dresses him for the day and then walks with him to campus. Josh also visits Rhett periodically throughout the day, feeding him, playing with him, and taking him to chapel.  I pick Rhett up at 1:00, and take care of all of his needs until I start making supper (Josh does his homework during this time). We spend time together as a family from about 5-7 every day, which is bedtime for Rhett. We put Rhett to bed together by giving him a bath, changing him and reading together.

Late night stuff has changed a bit. When Rhett was waking up throughout the night, we had a strict 3:00 a.m rule: I woke up and took care of every feeding before 3:00, Josh took every feeding after. Now that Rhett rarely wakes up, our rule is that when he cries in the middle of the night, one person gets up and gets him and a bottle and brings them to the other person in bed. That person gets to stay in bed, but they feed him there, and then can choose to either leave him in bed with us, or take him and put him back in his crib when he's done with the bottle. Whoever wakes up first can decide which one they want to do. Generally, Josh brings Rhett to me and I feed him and then put him back in his crib.


We've always fallen into really natural and easy roles. Raising Rhett together has been such an amazing adventure and it's drawn us closer together as a couple and has honestly strengthened our marriage. Babies can be such a stressor for a lot of people, but I really feel like we're doing well with the dynamics of it all. We've put in some great teamwork when it comes to raising our son and I'm proud of the job we've done so far.