Saturday, February 2, 2013

Working Mom

Working full time with a baby is no fun. Sometimes, I leave for work when Rhett is still asleep. This week, he was sleeping when I left and napping when I was on my lunch break. So I didn't see him that day until 4:00 in the afternoon. It's hard. I miss him. I think about him constantly and wonder if he's missing me. Leaving him when he's sad is even harder. It helps that he spends the majority of the time with his dad. In his own home. And we have great childcare as well. He has fun there. He likes exploring a new place and chasing after bigger kids. But it's still hard. My working is providing much-needed benefits for our family. Our health care is covered, and covered well. I have a steady paycheck. We aren't taking out student loans. But as Rhett reaches more and more milestones, I become more aware that his babyness is almost over. And I don't get to be with him all the time and sometimes it can be kind of devastating.
Rhett, waiting for me to get home
But we remain very blessed. I spend lunch breaks with Rhett, I get to see him all weekend. I've briefly considered and mourned the fact that I decided against watching children in my home. But the more I think about it, the more I don't think I would like that either. I like coming home and having it be a place of rest. A place for just our family. My time with Rhett is so special now. It' might be a weak justification for spending so many hours away from him. But every moment I get with him is now precious in a way that it wasn't back when I spent 24 hours a day with him by my side. When it comes down to it, I don't think Rhett is suffering from me being away from him. He has people who love him who watch him. He gets to play and explore and learn either way. I'm the one who this is effecting. And I'm doing o.k. It's not what I wanted or pictured for myself when I became a mother. But I always try to keep in mind that everything I do is for him. And for's much more beneficial to have good health care. And money to pay rent. And to not have to be paying off student loans for the rest of his life. So I'm willing to do it. Because I want to do what's best for Rhett. Always.

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