Saturday, April 20, 2013

Loving Rhett

I just can't believe it. I have a one year old boy. I don't feel old enough to have a one year old! And Rhett definitely doesn't feel old enough to be one year old! I mean, just yesterday, I was meeting him for the very first time, right?
I've been a bit emotional in the weeks and days leading up to Rhett's first birthday. Because everything about first birthday screams "not a baby anymore" to me. Rhett's clearly in a transitional period to being a toddler. I can see it. He understands what we say to him. Last week, he crawled over to his diaper basket, pulled out a clean diaper and crawled back over to Josh, handed him the diaper and laid down on his back. And it's just astonishing to me. And moments like that have been happening more frequently. He's starting to understand more about his world and though it's amazing and wonderful to watch, it's also a bit heartbreaking. Josh (and others) have been perplexed by my sadness over the big 1. I finally broke down a little bit and told Josh how I've been feeling. I told him that from the very moment Rhett was born, every day he has needed me less than the day before. He's becoming more independent every day. He's learning how to sooth himself, how to feed himself and how to entertain himself. He's a very independent child and my feelings have been that he's just going to need me less and less until he finally goes off to college and I won't be a part of his day-to-day life. 

My poor husband had to talk me through this last night. He assured me that Rhett would always need me, I will always be his mother, and despite what greater society may tell me, he WILL always be my baby. When I met Rhett one year ago, we were complete strangers. He was completely dependent upon us as his parents to care for him, but he didn't really know us, and we didn't really know him either. Every day we spend with him, we learn more about him and he learns more about us. It's a constantly evolving relationship and we bond more and more each day.  People will say that it's impossible to understand how much you'll love your children until they are born. And I think that's true. But my love for my little son has grown immensely over the past year. When they pulled him out of me and brought him to me and our eyes locked for the first time, I knew that I would love him deeply. But even then, staring at my precious teensy baby, I could not have imagined how much my love for him would grow in a year's time. This year has been amazing for our family and Rhett has been such a joy to get to know. I've put away my sadness and I'm looking forward to another year of learning about my amazing son. 

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