Monday, April 23, 2012

Still in the Hospital

Well, we're still in the hospital. Rhett's hasn't been able to keep his blood sugar at the right levels, so they're working on it. Today they're running all kinds of blood work to see if they can figure out what the problem is. Last night they were up and down. Sometimes they're high and sometimes they're low. They're trying hard to fatten him up by fortifying my pumped milk and feeding him every two hours. He also has a feeding tube that gives him small amounts at all times.

I'm starting to struggle a lot with everything going on. I don't know if my postpartum hormones have picked up or if the exhaustion is playing a factor, but I can barely look at him without crying today. He has a feeding tube in his nose and his IV got switched to his head. I hate seeing him with so many wires and I hate that I can't comfort him when he cries. I just feel so helpless. There's very little I can do for him and it's just killing me.

Rhett seems to be in pretty good spirits though. He sleeps well and when he's awake he loves looking at us. His little forehead is always wrinkled as he takes in the world around him. I hate that all of his very first experiences will be in that nursery. I just want to badly for him to know how much we love him and how much we want him home with us. His nurse last night had to look up his name on her chart. It upset me that he's spending so much time with people that don't really know him and can't distinguish him from the hundreds of other babies they see.

I do get to stay at the hospital with him. My room is right next to the nursery, which is great. A typical day includes me pumping every two and half hours, and then sitting with him after I'm done. I've gotten to bottle feed him two or three times each day, which is nice. I like to talk to him and comfort him. We tell him that he'll be home soon and we talk about all of the family members he'll get to meet. I think I'm going to have Josh bring in some of his books from home so we can read to him. It would be a nice way to spend some time with him when he's in the incubator.

So...that's an emotional jumble of thoughts. I'm just very sad and hoping to hear good news very soon. He is gaining weight, last night he was at 4 lbs, 4.9 oz, which is up a little bit from his birth weight. They're also slowly turning down the heat in his incubator, which is a good sign. He's maintaing his body temperature well. I want to try and keep writing down my thoughts  as they come to me. Sorry if they're a little depressing for awhile!

I really hate these photos, cause I hate seeing him in that incubator, but I think some day I'll want to remember our first few days, so here they are:

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