Saturday, March 10, 2012

Sons and Daughters

Another Gender Post?
One of the things about being "team green", is that you can't stop thinking about gender. Ever. It's like this impossible bridge to get over. It's hard to imagine what the rest of my life is going to be like, because I have no idea if a little son is in store for us, or a little daughter. Sometimes it's frustrating, sometimes it's a blast. I did this to myself (and to my husband, and everyone else eagerly anticipating the arrival of our little bumblebee).  So of course, I can't complain too much. And I am so unbelievable excited for the moment the doctor puts a howling baby on my chest, and Josh gets to introduce me to our son or daughter by name. 

All that being said, one of the most annoying elements about not knowing is the inevitable question of strangers, acquaintances, friends and family: "what do you want it to be"? I'm sure every woman and couple gets this question, but for most, the questions can stop after an anatomy scan tell them what they have. I generally feel like the typical response to this question "we don't care! as long as its healthy!", doesn't come off as extraordinarily genuine. Boys and girls are so different... Surely, everyone must have a preference? I'm always the first person to vehemently speak out against gender preferences and disappointment--I'll tell anyone who asks that I think being disappointed in your child because of your own desires for YOUR life is selfish and vile. And I do, in fact believe that. But just because it's selfish and vile doesn't mean its not a reality for people. It doesn't mean it's not reality for me. As any good Lutheran will tell you--I've been selfish from the moment I was conceived. That doesn't change just because I've suddenly found myself in a position to care for someone else more than myself. 

So what is my preference? I've been doing some soul-searching lately to find out. And the most honest answer that I can give right now is this: I don't know. It changes daily, hourly. Ask my husband. I'll wake up in the morning and tell him "I want a girl. Definitely a girl." and by lunch, I'm tearing up at the thought of watching a son learning to put on a tie. But there are definite, solid reasons I would prefer one over the other. Which I'm going to list for your viewing pleasure. 

Why I want a daughter: Little girls are amazing. Ask anyone. They are sweet, and gentle and don't generally have the desire to destroy everything in sight. Little girls are easy to love, even when they're not your own. One of my best friends insists that girls are best. Of course, this friend has an amazing little daughter who biases her. Monica is an insanely beautiful baby, with adorable feminine cries and babbles , a spunky personality and the cutest wardrobe. But the stand-out reason I want a daughter is this: I want someone to whom I can pass on my feminine knowledge. I hate to toot my own horn, but I think I am damn good at being a woman. I am confident in myself, my body, my marriage and my life. I'm comfortable in my femininity. Which is a long and hard place to get to by the ripe old age of 24.  The ages of 13-18ish are not easy for a girl to handle. But I've steered my way through, and come out on the other side, and I'm proud of who I am. Proud of my womanhood. And now, I want to pass on that pride and self-acceptance to someone else. I wouldn't know where to start with a son. But with a daughter, I think I could successfully raise her up to be a strong, happy and healthy woman. And it's something that I desperately want to do. 

Why I want a son: There's a lot of little reasons I want a son. I think we would worry less about a son. I think, despite it being 2012, the world is a little easier for the men of the world. I think it's easier for a man to find a good Christian wife, than for a woman to find a man of God (is that not giving my Christian brothers enough credit? Sorry boys.). Boys seem so much easier during what I assume is the scariest time for parents: the teen years. As cringe-worthy as it sounds, I think there is some validity to the old joke "With a son, you only have to worry about one penis". But the real, honest reason that I long for a son? That's easy.
Was anyone expecting a picture of Jesus? 
My favorite person in the whole world is a dude. I've never  loved anyone as much as I love my husband. And I don't like anyone one earth nearly as much as I like him. And I would feel so insanely blessed to have child just like him.. He's fun, and caring and honest and strong and such a wonderful man. It's hard to imagine enjoying spending all my time with anyone who isn't just like him. Other people eventually annoy me. Imagining having a child that would grow up to be like Josh consumes me with happiness and put a smile on my face. And that means a son.

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