The Great Gender Debate

I thought I'd write a little bit about our decision to be "team green". That is, we have decided not to find out the gender of the baby at our Anatomy Scan next month. Instead, we're gonna do it the old-fashioned way. We'll find out in the delivery room. It took us a long time to finally land on that choice (and honestly, until the anatomy scan is over, I think a part of me will always think about changing our minds)

To start out with, I've always love the idea of waiting to find out the sex. I though it sounded like great fun. I've read several blogs describing finding out the gender in the delivery room and almost everyone who has done has said it's the greatest feeling in the world. I like the idea of Josh getting to look down and be the one to announce to the room "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!". I think it would be a really cool thing for him to get to do, since he can't, you know... carry the kid around inside of him for nine months.

That being said...when I actually got pregnant, a couple of things prevented me from sticking with my preference 100%. The first one is kind of shallow:

 

 The CLOTHES! omg, is anything as cute as baby clothes? And on top of that, is anything cuter than gender-specific baby cloths? Just look at that tiny flannel shirt for a baby boy. And the lovely lacy dress for a little girl. They're like GROWN UP clothes. But tiny. I can barely even handle how cute they are. 

Whereas gender-neutral clothes tend to look something like this: 

Hmmm... not so cute. Now the rational part of my brain says "you can buy all the gender-specific stuff you want after the kid is born." Well I understand that, Brain. But that doesn't help me when I'm walking by Baby Gap and I see the tiniest sweater vest I've ever seen and it looks EXACTLY like one that Josh has and I can't buy it, because what if the baby's a girl?

The second reason we have considered finding out is a little more serious, so bear with me through this journey into my feelings. Since finding out I was pregnant, I have not always been super-excited about it. In fact, sometimes it has down-right depressed me and put me in a pretty dark place. I have been very anxious about all the changes that are coming and very sad about a lot of the things we'll have to give up to make room for a baby in our lives. This sadness makes me feel incredibly guilty. The truth of the matter is, that it has been hard to think of the baby as a person so far. For a long time, it was just two lines on a pregnancy test, and now, it's just an ultrasound picture on  my refrigerator. Humanizing the baby was very difficult for me throughout my first trimester. Josh has been very worried for my mental health during these dark times, and we have both felt that finding out the gender could help a lot. I imagine it would be easier to picture a face it I knew if it were a boy or a girl. So it was for this reason, more than the clothing, that we have seriously considered find out.

While we had at least one very good reason for not finding out, we had trouble pin-pointing an exact reason for waiting other than...'well...it sounds like fun'. We both like surprises, but we weren't sure if it would be the right thing to do. We were finally able to decide one night, when we were talking about our wedding. On our wedding day, we decided not to see one another until the ceremony. It's not something that is done very often these days, and there wasn't a real reason for it other than "we wanted to". But Josh mentioned to me how much he loved the anticipation. And how meaningful it was for him to see me walking down the aisle on our wedding day. He said it has been one of the best moments of his life.

Somehow, his assertion that the "surprise" of seeing me that day was so overwhelmingly special and beautiful really sealed the deal for us. We have always liked doing things the old-fashioned way, and this just feel right for us. Since coming to this choice a few weeks ago, I have been able to enjoy my pregnancy a lot more. A lot of my depression and anxieties over being pregnant have lightened. Being able to tell everyone around me and looking and feeling more pregnant has helped a lot. There's a lot of pregnancy milestones that I'm looking forward to now. I can't wait to see how much the baby has developed when we have our anatomy scan next month. I'm really excited to start feeling the baby move (which could be any day now). And showing off my ever-expanding belly will be awesome. I'm ok with not experiences in the "gender reveal" milestone right now. For us, I think waiting will be a wonderful experience.

If it's lame an we regret it...I'll be sure to let you know, so that you don't make the same mistake! ;)